Whatever people say I am, that's what I am not

I adore Arctic Monkeys. Just simply love them. Few days have passed sleepless and full immersed in photo taking. I will soon upload few pictures of bored classmates and Bangalore by bulblight. I am super excited to return home in a week. Can't believe time flies so fast. Sigh. This line put up just points that counter affects all. You, me and the reason for me not to be you and consciously keep trying to become me. I read that interesting bit on how I am but need to discover and become me in order to realise the full potential of being.

Intolerance and smugness

I detest being snubbed. I can take your little bouts of depression and silence(No, this is not for you, relax)(There are too many at the receiving end). But please, do not expect me to make you feel better. I also fear being read and discussed through this blog, perhaps one of the side effects of more readers coming in. I believe family has obtained access too. I will leave the key in the door only and always forget to put it in the bathroom. I will not eat my Daal with lot of water in it. i like smaller rotis and I abhor half boiled potatoes. Don't even dare confront me on this just because you can read what I feel. I am so sleepy all the time and correct! I am not even bothered in listening to why your boyfriend doesn't get along with you. It surely causes me itch why you choose to associate with those whom we by mutual consensus despise. Also, I would love to murder you for having lent that prized book of mine to she-who-must-be-lynched-to-her-last-cell. Finally, don't ever in your life give me shit like " you can do everything", "you could not go wrong", "how did you forget this?" etc. also no positive motivation: you are a good, smart, young, pretty, CUTE(1,117 times) girl. I am not a fucking mental patient. also, i study psychology. So, these techniques of reward, reinforcement, motivation etc are futile. on the other hand, all tests show I suck at social skill domains. So, all I can do is read and eat. Vegetate. Dare you even comment on any of my orkut names, facebook status...

Buddhism on Sinarest

To anyone wondering who or what Sinarest is, Sinarest, Oflox and similar things are medicines. They make you dizzy, your stomach churns, body burns and you hang between sleep and sore, inflammated nasal tract. This feverish flu has just been too much. Wednesday morning I was in a really bad shape. I think it was 102 degrees, the fever. I could hardly wake up. The night was spent in fighting mosquitoes under the noisy fan and missing mummy. No one at this point of time bothered to check on me. To think in retrospect, who would? Who had the obligation to check on my health in this city? No real kith kin around. Morning, generous compassionate roommate came and resurrected me from mouth of death. Night was started with burning body, nerve pull and sore throat. Took Metacin, risking liver failure and resorted to reading the apt book of the hour: "An End to Suffering"(Pankaj Mishra). Just chumma coincidence. Suffering inflicted many people of the world at the sametime. What better than a 300 page solution? Night continued alone. Sleep eloped in fever. All tolerance that the book was filling in, trickled by dawn. Then morning, noon, evening after good care came questions of being purposive and goal oriented. When someone else throws light on it I realise how out of line I am. So easily strayed.Since then delirious mumblings of happy death have reduced. Courtsey Sinarest. I get so annoyed when I don't get reply to mails. Nowadays 100 messages are also left unspent. Self respect rules lessons are on.

Mon Fish Francais

Ilya de l'eau partout... Sur la surface de l'eau, ya des ombres des arbres qui dancent. L'air pleine de mystere, attend une miracle ce soir. Des passagers les regardent avec un regard vide, non, pas pour s'en moquer, au contraire avec des millions de questions. Un poisson orange sautent du lac et respire un peu dans l'air a l'exterieur. Il s'appele A_. Mais c'est pas il, peut etre que c'est elle. Elle le sait aujourd'hui ce que c'est de ne pas etre un "Fish Francais". Non, la langue n'est pas le probleme. Le probleme me bloque quand iln'ya que le il pour decrire la/e A_. Que A_ ne sait pas ce que c'est de ne pas etre mouillee, qu'elle ne sait pas si les autres ils sont aussi comme elle(il), c'est marrant. Sont tous les autres aussi, Un fish francais? Ou ont ils jamais tente a traverser les limites aussi fluides que celles de l'eau?
C'est une question. Une guerre de ce qui est naturel, normal et compagnie contre des idees, reves et espoirs qui ne se reveillent qu'a 3h du matin avec ton visage en face de la fenetre ou tu vois ton visage dans l'eclat d'une nouvelle lumiere. Pense...

Ragged Robin fantasy

I want. Become. Kombination. KKKtookmybabyaway.Shaman.Lord Fanny.
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens ev'ry day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin comes
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm,...
I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!

I just wanteth hum you, hum hum ho hum.
I just want to paint the whites robes real black
I wish to drown in your eyes beady black
Black. Sheep. Shaman black